What a breath of fresh air it's been to be outside almost every single day for the last two weeks. Ah, refreshing. The local weather man tells us it's going to rain each day, but he really hasn't been too precise for the conditions in Mechanicsville, Iowa. I’m not complaining, rather delighted in his inaccuracy!
Some of our favorite excursions are simply to walk to the city park. Nothing special about this park, but we make it there at least once a week. Most of the equipment is old, worn out and reminds me of the parks that were around when I was Zay’s age. Zay doesn’t judge. He simply enjoys what is provided. The old-school slide, merry-go-round and teeter-totter make him happy.
One way or another Zay always seems to attract the other kids to us. This almost always means the big kids. It’s amusing to watch how the little school-aged kiddos follow Isaiah around calling him a ‘baby’ and saying things like “oh look, the baby can walk” and “wow, the baby knows how to talk”. I just admire their curiosity, observing quietly how they play with my ‘baby’. Zay’s social nature is so inspiring to me. I pray he never loses that twinkle in his eye and that sparkle in his smile that just welcomes others to join in our playtime.
And on the other extreme I'm still learning how to deal with Zay’s differences. While at the park, one of the little girl’s grandmas offered candy to all of the kids. Of course this isn’t the first time I’ve had to explain Zay’s special diet and that he won’t be partaking in the treats, but as Zay grows I notice him comprehending that he is different. The emotion on his face breaks my heart as all the other kids are eating a treat and he’s not. And I’m the one who has to say matter-of-factly that the treat isn’t good for him, as if I don’t recognize what he’s feeling. I do recognize it. I do hurt for him. I want to just let him have a tiny taste of what it feels like to ‘fit in’. But I have to be strong, so he can learn how to be strong. This is not my nature, so I’m learning too.
While sulking in that brief moment at the park, I’m quickly pulled back to reality. PKU has made our family special. Unique. Exceptional. And it has fueled me into being more than a typical mom. I want to be a great mom. I want to be strong. I want to be loving. And I want my children to be strong and loving. So many of the things I want to plant in my children’s hearts have been made easier because of PKU. Teaching them to look deeper than surface level.
In the end, it’s the challenge that has spurred me into action. To evaluate who I am and who I want to be. To be better and to do better. To remember that when I’m exhausted and feel pity that I’m the mom that has to make my child’s milk each morning, bake his bread each week and measure his meals, snacks, treats and drinks; I’m also the mom that has been given the wisdom, drive, and perspective most people have to live years to acquire.
The Message version of James 1:2-4 says: Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.
Thank you, God for beautiful weather, playtime at the park, friends to have fun with and PKU!
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