Honestly, I haven't had a whole lot of time for anything...unless you count remodeling, moving, cleaning, organizing, scheduling, unpacking, attending appointments, squeezing in very few precious and 'normal' days for Zay and I, and embracing the rare moments of uninterrupted and meaningful conversation with Shane! We have pretty well been stretched to our limits the past few weeks. And through it all, I am so thankful.
We've plugged away and we are finally at a point where I feel like we are ready to bring our baby girl home...to a new home, a beautiful home we've put our very own blood, sweat, and tears into. We have an amazing backyard where Zay already runs off ample amounts of energy. All of our neighbors have been very kind and generous. We are more than content with our decision on our new home and community, even if the timing wasn't ideal.
But I don't want to write about our new home today.
My post today is a bit more meaningful than a house. Today it's our children that are on my heart.
I've had some emotions come over me this past week, that I honestly wasn't expecting. This entire pregnancy I've been so excited. Excited for another child to join our family, excited for Zay to become a big brother, excited to have a little girl, excited to see Shane become a father again...just plain excited.
Then the last few weeks I've found myself feeling other things. Like a little guilty or sad for Zay. Weird. I guess before the last few weeks, I never even considered I would feel these things. Whenever I've read things about "cherishing the last moments" with the first born as an only child, I've almost always dismissed them. I suppose I've always been eager to think in terms of how the other children feel. And being the second born among my own siblings, I think to myself, well the second born (and any children after) never get that one-on-one attention from mom and dad! Therefore the first born is so fortunate! There is no point in feeling bad that they are going to have to share that attention now...
I guess it proves that there probably is something to be said about birth order and how it affects us.
None-the-less, I've been extra thankful for my first born these past few days. As I'm nearing the end of my pregnancy I am fully aware that my days of just hanging out with Zay are limited. I am so appreciative of Zay and his sweet personality. Yes, of course there are moments when he is just a typical two-year-old...but I also get to see him be the sweetest of sweet little boys. He still wants to snuggle on my ever shrinking lap-space. He smiles so big and bright when he sees me enter the house/room/car. He yells a "love you, bye-bye daddy" that is so full of meaning, as Shane is leaving for work. He rarely fusses when going down for his nap and/or bedtime. He requests to pray for certain people before bed, it absolutely melts my heart when he says he wants to pray for 'mommy' or 'daddy'. He gets it...most days probably better than some adults understand the power of prayer. Child-like faith - love it! And it never fails...if mommy and daddy forget to mention Bailey and Bongo in their prayers, we must add an addendum to that prayer and ask God to bless those puppies! Our dogs are the most prayed for pups in the world! :) And the sweetest little "AH-MEAN" at the end makes me so happy.
I just can't say enough of how proud and overwhelmed I am with God's gift of Zay to our family. I can't imagine how another child will bless our family as well. It should only be a few short days before we get to hold our sweet little girl and see Zay become a big brother. What an exciting time for our family. Thanking God for both of our blessings today!
Children are a blessing from the Lord. -Psalm 127
2 comments:
Jackee, It's amazing to me how you have been having these thoughts about having your second child. Life will never be the same, it's very true. I think I have felt this more as a grandparent this time, even more than I understood it as a parent, so you are very wise in your young years! While it is so true that Zay will now have to share his parents with a precious sibling, I also know that you will make special time for you to just have times with him by himself. There will always be special times that will present themselves and those moments are to be cherished. As I told our kids...Nick had his time in the very beginning to have us all to himself. Since we just had the two children- Abby had her time just during her last years of high school before she left for college. Even though there were great times for each individually through the years. God provides those opportunities for us, as he continues to do so as our children are older, as well. What a blessing family is! Cannot wait to hear of your little girl's arrival! Blessings--Melanie :--)
Another sweet post! Just going through all of those same emotions myself a few short months ago, I can totally relate. I took off work a few weeks early and spent lots of one-on-one time with Carson, and enjoyed every minute of it. I felt the same thing, that I felt sorry for him, being the first grandchild and first child and now having to share all the love. With Carson not being able to express his feelings well yet it also worried me even more. I can report since that Carson has rarely shown much jealousy, and now has become very loving and even protective toward Maggie, in his own way. He seems to love her so much. He loves to make her laugh, and she loves laughing at him. The first time you hear your two children laughing together in your home will be the sweetest sound you ever heard in your life! The heart just bursts with joy! And even add in the extra emotions we may feel, about PKU and other issues. Since we know Maggie does not have PKU, that is still unique to Carson, and he still requires much attention from us for that. And in Maggie's case, she has her own issues with her club foot, so that is a unique thing to her that brings her own special attention. I guess it just reminds me that every person is unique and has their own individual time and attention from parents. Unlike you, I am the oldest of 4. I feel that it made me a stronger person and as I got older I wanted to be more of a role model (when we were younger I thought I was the boss! lol). I cannot wait to see what kind of roles our children take in their lives together. Yes, enjoy your peace now, because it will not be quite as peaceful at times anymore. But do not worry, because you are wonderful parents and your children will be blessed. They are so lucky! It will be a little hard and stressful sometimes getting everything done for everyone, but it will be beautiful. The trick is to try to enjoy those moments. Good luck to you, and I can't wait to hear of the arrival of baby girl!
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