6 Weeks!

So our little boy is 6 weeks old...how can that be!?!

(Yes, my pants look like capris...my mommy is in denial that I'm getting so big)

It's been such a roller coaster the past 6 weeks, and our life has forever changed. As I sit here, I can't stop thinking about the fact that I'm going to have to leave him for a whole day on Monday. And not just Monday...but Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, AND Thursday! Ouch...I don't want to think about it...but it's all that is on my mind.

Don't get me wrong, I want to go back to work - I just don't want to leave him. I don't even want to THINK about leaving him. I just want to capture these moments when I get to see him every second of the day. I want him to know how much I love him and how do you do that when you can't be with him!?! I want to make sure that he's comforted when he's upset. I want to know that I'm doing everything in my power to make his life the best it can be. And I know that by going back to work, I will be a better mom for him. I will be fulfilled in challenging myself and getting out of the house. I will be refreshed when I get home to see him at the end of the day. I will miss him so much, that I will be ready to play and rock and cuddle him every evening. I know that God will watch out for our little Isaiah while we are not with him, it's just hard to let go of control sometimes.

I'm grateful for the time we did get to spend together and although we won't be spending our days together next week, I look forward to him getting excited to see me when I do get home. And making the most of our family time. I look forward to not taking a one single moment for granted.

I'm blessed to have a job that I enjoy and look forward to each day. I'm blessed that I get to take an extra day off each week to spend with my baby boy. I'm blessed to have a husband that supports my decision to go back to work, and supports my decision to work part time. I'm so blessed to have the option to choose.

One thing that I've pondered since the time I became a parent is how much being a parent can teach you about God's love. Between the doctor's appointments, having to prick the heal of my baby boy twice a week, to the nonstop screaming most evenings...what a feeling to know that this is what God must feel like sometimes. That he is always trying to do what is best for us. Always trying to comfort us. And when we are going through such struggles His heart is absolutely breaking. It's amazing to have this realization as a parent. When your child struggles, you struggle. When your child hurts, you hurt. When your child is happy, you are happy. And although we sometimes can't understand that while we are going through the pain and frustrations of life, He understands and knows what is best. And knowing this is enough to get us through.