2010...2011

10 Words to describe 2010...

1. Intense

2. Fun

3. Love-Filled

4. Transitional

5. Transforming

6. Educational

7. Unforgettable

8. Unpredictable

9. Fleeting

10. Perfect

10 Things Learned in 2010...

1. God is a BIG God!

2. Life's 'downs' make life's 'ups' all the more spectacular.

3. You really are stronger than you think.

4. Shane and I are an incredible team.

5. Family and friends really are special...it's important to appreciate them.

6. I have a great job, but I was hired for my most important job when I became a mother.

7. My husband is an amazing man and dad...not many people can handle stress with love and gentleness like he can.

8. My son makes me appreciate so many things. His struggles, his energy, his curiosity and his love really have taught me so much.

9. Giving really does feel good.

10. As long as I'm continually seeking God's will, I will be happy.

11 Hopes for 2011...

1. Intentionally be more prayerful and in the Word...continuously growing towards God.

2. Look for ways to express more love and serve my husband.

3. Love on my son as much as humanly possible...I want to seize these fleeting moments of his baby/toddlerhood.

4. I want to learn more ways to cook for Zay. New recipes, new foods and new ideas for making his diet fun!

5. Carve out some time for exercise. I fell off the wagon in the latter part 2010...time to get back at it.

6. Read, read, read. Definitely a passion of mine that I would like to make more time for.

7. Tune into where God is leading me and follow Him, even if I'm not sure where He is taking me.

8. Achieve patience and consistency in parenting my toddler.

9. Enjoy family and friendships...life is always too short not to.

10. Create simplicity and a slower pace in our weeks and months.

11. Embrace all of life's blessings and be thankful.

Merry Christmas!

Zay meets Santa

Well...Shane and I did intentionally have a discussion about what we were going to do with Santa. As in...what is the true meaning of Christmas, would we involve Santa in our celebration, would he bring presents, etc. Well...I guess we were a little unaware of what horrible parents we would be if we didn't "do the Santa thing". Just the mention of this topic really stirs people up!

So, we didn't really make a firm decision on the matter. And I think we do have at least another year before we have to figure it out, but we are in agreement that Santa will not be the main focus. We want to make it a priority that Christmas is about Jesus's birth. But I suppose we will let Isaiah meet Santa as well...

12 Months Old!

Happy 1st Birthday, Zay!

Shane and I decided to wish our little Zay happy birthday by each of us writing him a little letter. He obviously can't read it now, however we hope that one day he will be able to look back on this and know that he is extremely loved. Happy Birthday, Zay! (Warning: Not surprisingly, my husband embarasses me within the first few sentences of his letter!)

Letter from Mommy...

Isaiah James,

I don’t even know where to begin…Zay you are the light of my life and I love you to pieces! Seriously, I never knew I could fall in love with someone besides your daddy so hard, so fast, so deeply! Thank you for bringing such joy into my life and everyone's life you've encountered this year!

Some of the things that I LOVE about you Zay…

...I could give you big squeezy hugs and receive your big wet, slobbery, snotty kisses all day long...love them!
...I absolutely LOVE to hear you squeal and laugh. There just isn’t a better sound in this world and I will go to any length to hear it...trust me - I've danced, sang off key, talked in weird voices, made funny faces...ANYTHING to hear that sweet laugh!
...I love smelling your pretty red hair…even when it’s been smeared with bananas, green beans, and apples.
...Giving you a bath is the highlight of my day – you are so fun!
...When you snuggle your head into my shoulder it gives me all kinds of warm fuzzies!
...And when you cry and try to reach out for me, I absolutely melt. (Even if daddy has to remind us that we both need to be strong and not always give into NEEDING each other for comfort J).
...I love watching you learn! Both good and bad. Even when you give me that sly smile, and know when you are doing something wrong it still brings joy to my heart because you are learning and testing your limits.
...Those thighs of yours...they are just something else! I love them! They are...impressive...and darn cute!
...That FAKE laugh of yours. You really have it mastered! You squeeze your whole body and let out a great laugh - so cute!
...Your curiosity is just like your daddy's, always trying to figure out how things work and problem solve!
...The way you shrug your shoulders and shake your head no. You don't even know what you are doing yet, but you've somehow managed to get this movement perfected!
...I wish I could capture every single expression you have on camera...they are priceless and one of the most talked about things by others that meet you. Your eyebrows can tell a good story!
...Your little feet are so stinkin cute! You are constantly swinging them in your highchair and you are always trying to put your socks and shoes on all by yourself.
...You are a little boy always trying to do big boy things, you make me proud with how you are learning to be independent.
...You are HAPPY! Last night when I picked you up from daycare, I asked Lori how you were doing and she said "He's HAPPY...imagine that, Zay is happy - he always is!"

I could go on and on. I love everything about you, Zay! I pray that as you start your 2nd year of life it will be even better than your first. I am so confident that God has such great plans for you. I believe you will leave your mark on this world and it truly will be a better place since you are here...it already is. Happy Birthday, my sweet, happy Zay! I love you.

-Mommy

Letter from Daddy...


Isaiah,

Today is your birthday, WOW!!!! What an amazing year it has been.

I remember a year ago today very well. I was excited, scared, and anxious to meet you. I should have known what the following year was going to be like when you arrived with a splash (you will understand when you become a father). You are such a blessing I remember the doctors laying you on your mommy’s tummy for just a few seconds before they rushed you away because you weren’t crying. I remember the worry that came over me waiting to hear that cry. Of course you eventually started crying, and I don’t think you really stopped until you were about 12 weeks old. I should rephrase that, you were either crying or smiling. I can’t blame you for crying, because you had a lot going on. This whole first year you have had to fight. Whether it was jaundice, getting poked a dozen times when you were only 5 days old, having your heel pricked for your thyroid draws and your PKU levels, adjusting to your new formula, colic, coughing, spitting up most bottles, more PKU draws, steroids, Staph infection, medicines, MRSA, Having a boil lanced, breathing treatments, x-rays, more steroids, more breathing treatments, more medicine, asthma, and now Ducky (new breathing treatments). I remember counting at one point in time, and I think for the first 4 months of your life, you were seen by a doctor an average of once a week. You won’t remember this first year, but I will. Although I will never forget all of this doctor and medical stuff, What I will remember the most about this year is how you just kept smiling. Zay, I love that smile, I love you.

There is so much I love about you. I could spend hours listing all the things you do that make me smile, but I want to focus on just a few.

1. I love your emotion. I have been around quite a few babies, and I can’t think of one that has more emotion than you. Whether it is giving a kiss, wanting to play, chasing after the dogs, you do it with love. I hope over the next few years your Mom and I can help you grow that love.

2. I love your strength. Zay, as you read above you have been through a lot, but you have an inner strength from God that allows you to keep going. I don’t know how to explain it very well, but you never let anything get you down for very long, and when something is done, you just move on. I don’t know how many lab technicians have said that they were surprised at how little you fuss, even if you don’t give up your blood very easily.

3. I love your eyes. They have so much passion and zest. They are innocent. They have trust and wisdom. I know these statements sound crazy, so let me explain. When you go after something you go with all your energy, and I can see it in your eyes. You have yet to see the horrors this world has, so you trust unconditionally. My hope is that I can keep you from the horrible things this world has, while you grow into a God honoring compassionate man. I know that a baby cannot be wise, but when I look into your eyes I can see God’s love, and that is where wisdom comes from. I can see you learning constantly; I can see a day in the future when you realize that you are different because of your PKU. I can already see you realizing this difference as you gaze at what your mommy and I are eating, I cut up fruit, or I get your bottles ready. Other people are going to say I am crazy for thinking that you already realize that you are different, but I do. Being different is ok though, God has given you a purpose. My prayer is that as you grow up, you keep that passion, zest, innocence, trust, and you become wise in the ways of God.

4. I love how you make your mom happy. I love seeing her turn the corner, see you and light up. Matter of fact, I don’t know a person who doesn’t light up when they are around you.

5. I love the perspective you give me. Zay, I have had a lot of bad times in my life, and I never understood why God was putting me through them. But watching you go through what you have, and realizing what you will have to go through in the future, I see why God had me go through what I did. He did it so you wouldn’t be alone.

I don’t think there has been a year in my life that I have smiled or cried as much as this year. I smile because you are a blessing and a joy to be around. I cry because I love and care about you so much more than I ever thought possible. I am sure you will see me do both a lot as you grow up. Someday in the future when you read this, I hope you can feel just how much you mean to me. Never forget how much your mom and I love you and that God is with you.

-Daddy

ONE year pictures!

A couple weekends ago we took Zay's 1 year pictures...thankfully we got them in just in time. Our friend Bailey that take's Zay's pics had her baby girl 2 days after these were taken! :) Thanks, Bails!

Enjoy these extra special pictures of our ONE year old!

Uh Oh...

We are in trouble now!

I'm rocking my long underwear tonight and I look darn cute!

Zay's Birthday Party

This last weekend we had Zay's 1st birthday party. We had a super day of celebrating Zay! Unfortunately, the reality of having a December birthday often means the chance of a big snow storm putting a damper on our plans! Thankfully our close family was still able to make it!

The table of all our snacks...lots of things Zay can eat too...fruits and veggies!

Zay first low protein birthday cake! Obviously I need to work on my cake decorating skills for future years!

Cupcakes for everyone else!

Zay waiting for all his guests to arrive!

Just happy to be playing with some of my favorite peeps!

Getting ready to dig into that cake!

He knew just what to do! I was a little worried about if he would like his cake or maybe that he would like it cake TOO MUCH. Zay has only been eating fruits and veggies up to this point in his life. We haven't even introduced him to juice yet, because our dietitian said often times PKU kids will like juice better than their formula, so it's better to get them used to the foods and drinks that he HAS to have and then introduce new things.

"Wow, this is sweet!"

Yummy!

Papa Jim & Grandma Becky

Grandma Judy & Daddy

Aunt Kendra & Uncle Tyler

Cousins Wyatt & Izzy

Time for presents!

Playing with my new basketball hoop.

Later on in the day the Duncan twins came over! And they brought with them a very thoughtful gift. Our church small group went in together and got us some low protein food! They contacted our dietitian in Iowa City and everything. How thoughtful!

Thanks everyone for spending time with me on my birthday! I loved playing with everyone and have really been enjoying my new toys/clothes/books! Love you all, Zay!

Almost a year with our little man!

As we approach Isaiah’s first birthday, I thought I would reflect on his first year for a couple different reasons. One, God has completely blessed us with the most amazing baby in the world! Two, Zay has completely thrived in his first year of life! Three, I never want to forget the raw emotions we have experienced this year. We have been taught a lot about life these last 12 months.

I can remember arriving at the hospital at 7:30 AM on December 16, 2010 like it was yesterday. I was so excited, nervous, anxious, eager – you name it, I was feeling that emotion! There was even a bit of sadness I was feeling. I thought I would have to share Shane’s love after our baby was born. (Boy was I wrong, Shane would be the first to announce that our baby boy stole my heart, attention, love, and energy the second I laid eyes on him!) Anyway, I was so thrilled to meet our baby boy. I just wanted to see him. I couldn’t ever picture what our baby was going to look like while I was pregnant, so I was so anxious to SEE him. (Even if I tried to picture our baby…I never imagined red hair – so I was surprised for sure!)

It really was a miraculous day.

I could never have fathomed what our year ahead would entail on that day.

Shortly after we discovered Isaiah was jaundice, we also learned of Isaiah’s PKU and Hypothyriodism conditions. I vividly remember sitting across our living room (breast)feeding little Isaiah, as Shane took the phone call that confirmed his PKU. We needed to be in Iowa City the next day. And we were to continue everything as usual until then. I’ve never been so devastated. I cried. A lot. A million thoughts raced through my mind. Of course we had already done what the doctors had said not to do and looked on the internet to see what this “PKU” stuff was all about. “Not good” was the only thing I comprehended from the many, many articles we read. I remember looking at my sweet baby and thinking I was ‘poisoning’ him by feeding him.

Knowledge is powerful and healing…when you have the correct resources. Our doctors in Iowa City are amazing. They truly cared about Zay from day one. There is something quite sobering about holding your newborn baby, while doctors tell you the child you created is not ‘normal’. The weight of the responsibility hit me hard in Iowa City. I cried again. I recall our doctor saying “Isaiah’s ‘destiny’ is in your hands”. Ugh – that’s heavy stuff for a mother that already has emotions coming out the wazoo! Thankfully, my mom was quick to remind me that EVERY child’s destiny is held in their parent’s hands. Every parent has responsibilities to their children, ours are just somewhat different.

While in Iowa City that first visit we had to miserably watch our little Zay get poked 15 times. Yes. 15 times! He was so little (well technically not for a newborn, but still) every single nurse tried to get blood from him, but failed. Finally, after 3 grueling hours, a neonatal nurse was able to draw blood from the top of Isaiah’s head. Isaiah was so exhausted from the previous attempts, he slept through the procedure. Mom cried for him!

After Iowa City we slowly started to settle into our new normal. We logged everything! Poop, pee, formula, breastmilk, weight, etc. We learned how to take blood from Zay for testing his PKU levels twice a week. We crushed pills daily for Isaiah’s thyroid medicine. I emailed or talked to our dietician at least weekly. However, the best thing I did was talked with some other moms who had children with PKU. Hearing stories from other families that actually were similar to ours was very important. Right or wrong, in my weak moments, I often remember feeling a little offended by people who had “healthy” babies. I still struggle with not feeling understood by a lot of parents, but the trade off is for Zay to feel like a normal kid. When people make comments like “looks like he’s been eating a lot of steaks” or kindly offer him a cookie, I have to remember that it is a blessing that he appears completely normal and fits in! Even at the cost of someone not understanding what we go through on a daily basis.

Not long after Zay was about 6 weeks old, he started having some breathing issues. Wheezing, coughing, chest retractions. All kinds of things that make a little boy very upset! Because of his age, we had to go through a series of tests to rule out reflux and allergies. We had an upper GI test done. We started 2 daily breathing treatments around 3 months, these lasted until Zay was 10 months old. We had allergy testing done. Zay was put on oral steroids for his breathing 3 different times. He had those X-Rays where he was put in the torture contraption 3 or 4 times. Multiple tests for pneumonia and RSV. Every time a doctor saw him, they thought for sure he had pneumonia in his lungs, never the case. Finally at 10 months a specialist in Iowa City was able to diagnose Zay with asthma. We started a new daily breathing treatment that involves an inhaler with a spacer. This seems to be helping, however Zay still has a hard time with his breathing when he gets a cold.

Even after all these doctor visits, May 30, 2010 has become another incredibly memorable day. This was the day we found out that Zay had a MRSA infection on his upper leg. Probably picked up from one of the many times of being in the hospital. This infection had to be lanced. The. Worst. Day. Ever. I’ve heard over and over from people how painful these infections are for adults. How unbelievably unfair for an innocent 5 month old baby to have to suffer that kind of pain. Thankfully, Zay was cleared completely of MRSA a couple months later.

Amazing.

After all of this our little boy is THE HAPPIEST baby ever. People just oogle over how smiley he is. He just doesn’t let life get him down. He is a lot like his dad in that sense. He just takes what life throws at him and keeps on going. Shane said the day after we got home from Iowa City “Today is our day to be sad about this, from tomorrow on, we are strong and positive – for Zay’s sake”. We cried a lot that day (and I cried many days following), but we truly stuck to that. We know Zay is different and we have to communicate that with a lot of people, but we try hard to emphasize that he is NORMAL too!

Now that Zay is nearly a year old, we have really adjusted well. Shane and I were told a month ago at a conference that “80% of couples with a ‘special needs’ child end up getting a divorce”. Wow. Shane and I were surprised by that statistic. We both looked at each other and later asked ourselves, would Zay be considered “Special Needs”? I’m not sure. I don’t like the label “special needs”, but it is what it is. And we would be the first to admit this past year has been stress-filled. But we also would say that we could NEVER do this individually. We have grown so much as a couple. As parents. As a family. But most of all we have grown in our trust that God will not put more on us than we can handle. PKU. Hypothyroidism. MRSA. Asthma. Not going to stop Zay from living life to the fullest. Certainly not going to stop us.

Oh my, the things we can learn from adversity. Oh the things we can learn from a baby!

God has funny ways of communicating sometimes, praise Him for life’s blessings: Sweet, innocent babies! And life’s trials – the things we must watch our babies endure. For these things teach us how to love and help others. "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." –John 16:33