a birthday post

3 years.

Each December, I am certain I will always reminisce about the day we welcomed sweet Isaiah into the world. It was in a nutshell, life changing.

It is so incredible how 3 years can pass in the blink of an eye, but simultaneously seem like it all happened ages ago. The memories of welcoming our first born are still so clear in my mind. I look back at sweet pictures that grasp the moments where we were, the brief period in our lives where we were changed forever.

I recall being so aware that I was about to become a mother. My entire identity was about to change. In ways I didn't even know. Since I was a girl, motherhood immediately followed becoming a wife as one of my dearest hopes in life. A wife and mom. All I've ever wanted was being set into motion. 

It became painfully clear to me from the very beginning that motherhood is not always the vision imagined. And yet it undoubtedly lives up to the every dream I've ever envisioned. How can there be so many contradictions in life, that equal something that makes so much sense? 

There are multiple moments that take me from then to now. And it is those in-between-moments that have proven that Zay was perfectly woven into my life. Our life. 

I can still feel his chunky little hands around my finger when he was a newborn. Carrying his round thighs around my waist when he was an infant. My proud feelings of his smallest accomplishments throughout his first years. His rolling laughter at the simple things of toddlerhood. The chubby cheeks making for an over allotment of kisses...still happens to this day. Oh, to think back to how time can go by without your consent. 

I still am compelled to carry him when I can. Snuggle him when he lets me. Kiss him as much as humanly possible. And tell him just how much I love him several times a day and wait for his unprompted response of "I love you too, Mommy". Love. Love. Love.

These last 3 years have been grand. The kind of greatness that only a parent can feel for their sweet child. An infinite amount of love for our boy. 

Sweet, sweet Isaiah, you are loved. 

Happy birthday, Zay-Zay.