Breath of Heaven

I've been listening to my Amy Grant Christmas CD like it's my job! Mainly because it has one of my all time favorite songs on there..."Breath of Heaven" (And probably has something to do with the fact that we haven't had a TV in our living room since we've moved...house is a little quiet without a little music at least!)

Anyway, having had Zay during the Christmas season 2 years ago (yes...TWO years ago...I can hardly believe it!) I will never forget my first Christmas Eve, holding my tiny newborn, only 8 days old and in complete awe of Mary, Jesus's mom.

This song describes so many raw emotions that stirred in my heart two Christmases ago, and almost each and every day since.

Almost daily, I think about God specifically choosing ME to be Isaiah's mommy.

Quite frankly, most of the time this job scares the bajeepers out of me!

Isaiah is a precious little child of God, who has been entrusted to Shane and I to raise him to know and love the Lord, AND, to do so among all the challenges set before us and Zay.

Wow.

This "load" to bear can certainly frighten me on my best days!

The littlest things like - feeding Zay can be so overwhelming to me. I certainly understand his diet by now, but still feel so lost when it comes to knowing how and when to be concerned with nutrition. A lot of Zay's "low protein" foods are highly processed. He eats a lot of fruits and veggies, should I be buying organic? Do I need to need to plant my own garden to teach Zay where his food comes from? And most of all I'm vividly aware that I need to change a lot of my own eating habits to set a correct example for Zay taking care of his body.

Then there is discipline. Any parent of a little 2 year old boy understands that there NEEDS to be some sort of strategy for disciplining, because they will push the boundaries! What's the correct method? How do we show grace, but yet have Zay understand consequences?

How about values, character, morals? Will Zay simply absorb the values Shane and I present everyday and never question why we act the way we do. And are WE presenting the correct character traits in the correct ways that Zay will be able to understand and imitate them correctly?

Then comes the speech challenge. Oh man, this one lays heavy on my heart these days. I've cried out to God many a time...why do we have to have this challenge too? Haven't we gone through enough with Zay in his short two years? Hasn't HE been though enough challenges? Why must something as simple a speaking be so hard for him?

What about the school we choose or not choose, the doctors we take him to, the family/friends we reach out to or don't reach out to, the experiences we allow him to have or prevent him from having, the things we do or don't say in front of him...in my naive little eyes there are SO many ways for me to screw this parenting thing up...

Then I think of Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

I find great comfort in this truth!

I still have moments that lead me to question myself, but I KNOW that I'm raising a son of God and HE is guiding my decisions!

I pray: Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior and my hope is in you all day long! Psalm 25:4-5.

Lord, "I offer all I am, for the mercy of your plan!"

Breath of Heaven

I have traveled many moonless nights,

Cold and weary with a babe inside,

And I wonder what I've done.

Holy father you have come,

And chosen me now to carry your son.

I am waiting in a silent prayer.

I am frightened by the load I bear.

In a world as cold as stone,

Must I walk this path alone?

Be with me now.

Be with me now.

Breath of heaven,

Hold me together,

Be forever near me,

Breath of heaven.

Breath of heaven,

Lighten my darkness,

Pour over me your holiness,

For you are holy.

Breath of heaven.

Do you wonder as you watch my face,

If a wiser one should have had my place,

But I offer all I am

For the mercy of your plan.

Help me be strong.

Help me be.

Help me.

Breath of heaven,

Hold me together,

Be forever near me,

Breath of heaven.

Breath of heaven,

Lighten my darkness,

Pour over me your holiness,

For you are holy.

Breath of heaven,

Hold me together,

Be forever near me,

Breath of heaven.

Breath of heaven,

Lighten my darkness,

Pour over me your holiness,

For you are holy.

Breath of heaven.

Breath of heaven.

Breath of heaven