Some thoughts on our week thus far...

Sleep deprivation is brutal!

Seriously.

Just ask my husband.

My poor, poor husband.

Currently…Isaiah is teething. Isaiah has a cold. Isaiah has asthma. Isaiah has Hypothyroidism. Isaiah has PKU.

Ok, so really only two of these things are “recent and new” topics of discussion, but still…they all hold true and right now they ALL are important and pivotal in our everyday life. Really, we do great, even excellent at balancing everything when we only have to deal with the thyroid and pku. Throw the other issues into the mix of our daily existence and it tends to be a downward spiral of exhaustion.

Extra breathing treatments – Albuterol every 4 hours.
Extra medicine – liquid oral steroids, that Zay does NOT like the super special grape flavor of...and there's no disguising this stuff!
Extra blood samples – sickness and lack of eating throws off his Phe levels.
All this on top of his everyday standard of care...and that's on top of him being an almost 14 month old toddler!

All these things….do NOT make for restful nights. Our poor little boy, cannot sleep because he has “coughing attacks”. Poor thing gets a bright red face, eyes start watering, and he struggles to just breathe. We haven’t had these issues in almost 4 or 5 months…it just bums me out that he has to deal with all this again.

I feel like we have a newborn baby again. Up at all hours of the night. Work all day. Home in time to make dinner…which has only consisted of frozen pizzas for Shane and I. We at least we put our child’s needs in front of our own, right!? His dinners consists of a rotation of…mushroom burgers, broccoli burgers, his special grilled cheeses, or broccoli casserole – with the standard sides of fruits and veggies…and I try really hard to tell myself that it’s OK when the food that I’ve spent a great deal of time, energy, and money on gets thrown on the floor, fed to the dogs, or half chewed and spit out. He’s a toddler…it’s what they do.

Back to my husband…he’s just simply amazing. I’m astounded that God gave me such a resilient, strong man to father my child. I think He knew I needed him when we get in these tiresome situations. And he’s a very busy man these days. Currently taking classes for his Masters degree. Serving on the leadership team for Love Cedar Valley, a huge kindness outreach project coming up this spring. Swamped at his job. He has weekly meetings at church. Works late almost every night. Finds time to stay up late and do homework. Helps with tons of household chores…especially laundry. Has gotten up with Zay the majority of the time in the past week. And is still motivated to workout! Plus – he puts up with an emotional, sleep deprived wife. Somehow in my world, sleep deprivation + sick child = emotional mess. Anyway – can you believe the perfectionism of my husband? Me either!

I feel like our world is mad-chaos right now. And I’m exhausted. But I’m amazed at the people God has strategically placed in my life. Specifically, my husband. There are others too. But my husband tells me often that I’m one of the strongest mothers he knows and sometimes I really need to hear that, because I feel weak a lot of the time. Last night, as Shane and I both resorted to leaving the dirty dishes in the sink, the toys spread throughout the living room, the laundry waiting to be put away, and none of Zay's food or formula measured for the following day…we began talking about Zay, about life, and about God. I mentioned to Shane, that I feel as though, I deserve to be put through these trials and struggles, because I’m often so much closer to God while going through rough waters, than when everything is smooth sailing. And he responds to me. “I think God’s got some big plans for us. We are experiencing these things because he's preparing us for something.” This is not something new that he just randomly said last night. Shane says this a lot. Shane has experienced a lot in his life and I believe him when he says stuff like that. He has been through trials and has seen God’s miracles first hand. I really have no idea what God has planned. And I don’t know when the pieces of God’s plan will be revealed. But in times of my exhaustion, I pray that my struggles will one day shed God’s light into this world.

2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.